I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
