Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
