If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
