I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
