I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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