btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
