did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
