You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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