So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
