dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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