How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
