I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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