absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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