i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
