Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
