well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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