im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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