Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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