hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
