Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I party with great urgency now.
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