Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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