I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
