Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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