she woke up with a sticky ear
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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