listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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