Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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