My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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