I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
