The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
