My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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