Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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