I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
