So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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