i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Barsexuality is the new black.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
