it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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