Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Your penis caused this!
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