ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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