There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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