You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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