he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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