Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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