Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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