i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
