You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
