Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
