am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
