I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
