Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
