thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
