I saw his package. It spoke to me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
