A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
